Overcoming Codependency through boundaries, Creating An Online Course & Discovering Your Life Path Through Your Values

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An interview with hair & makeup artist & coach Stephanie from @embeaumn who has recently launched an online course all about finding what you want to do with your life! We talk about her story, launching an online course & much more!

Here’s the link (affiliate) to Stephanie’s course! Choose Your Story 

https://embeau.vipmembervault.com/af/8004/5

Follow Stephanie

www.embeau-mn.com

www.instagram.com/embeaumn


My name is Jenna Redfield. And I'm very delighted to have my friend Stephanie Don rose here today. She is an entrepreneur, and I've known her for maybe a year or so. And welcome

Stephanie 2:26

to the podcast. Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. Yeah.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 2:29

So we met through go creative. I believe I'm pretty sure if they're Kylie probably Yeah, he's been on the podcast before. Yeah. So can you tell us a little about yourself and what you do? Yeah.

Stephanie 2:40

So I have a couple of different businesses. My background is in hair and makeup industry. And so I started in the salon world's doing hair and makeup. And so I've been doing that for 13 years, and I no longer takes the lawn clients. But I have my own bridal business. So okay, we do hair and makeup for weddings and events and stuff like that. And then I'm also a coach. And so I coach people one on one over the phone. And I've written my first e course, which you got to see in the beta round. And it's the actual courses for sale right now. And and so that's another little thing I have going on. Yeah, that's

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 3:22

so cool. I think it's cool, because we haven't really talked too much about courses on the podcast. So that's why I want another reason I want to have you on because I think that there's so many ways to do courses, you can do them through like teachable, you can also do them through email, you can do them in a different many different ways. How did you decide that you wanted to start a course,

Stephanie 3:39

I've taken a lot of online courses. And actually, when I decided that I wanted to start my own business, I didn't really know where to start. And so I enrolled in Murray folio is B school. Yeah, which is a popular course. And she is she's a coach. And she's amazing. And like goofy and fun, which really resonated with me. And the thing that I loved about it is that I could access the information while I was still working at my full time job. And I could start building that knowledge base that I would need when I was ready to make that leap. And while I was still discovering what it is that my business was, because when you're first starting out, you're like, I think I know and they start trying things and it shifts and changes. And you know that to 100%? Yeah,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 4:23

I mean, even in the last week, I have been like, you know, maybe my business is shifting this way. And I think that's interesting. And so what kind of so when you say coaching, what are you coaching them on?

Stephanie 4:34

I coach, mostly women, and it's a lot of empowerment stuff. I end up working with a lot of people who struggle with codependency who don't really know about codependency, which is interesting. You talk about that. Yeah,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 4:50

cuz I don't I know, I've heard that term, but I'm not quite sure what it means. Yeah.

Stephanie 4:53

So it's it's a complicated topic. But basically, what happens is, you boundaries are really blurred. And so you end up taking responsibility for things that aren't yours. And you live in reaction to your circumstances. So instead of making active choices, you end up kind of being in this reactive state. And for a lot of people it this is what recent research shows do is that it ends up being a result of growing up in an alcoholic family or having like abuse as a child. It could even just be a pattern that your parents were in that you watched and then you emulated because that's how we learn how to adult turns from our parents. Yeah. And from the people that are around us. So there are lots of different ways that it can kind of come to come to fruition. And I had a very codependent relationship with every male in my life up until recently, and especially my ex husband. So I think that's what brought me into that world. And, and the now that I'm out of it, or recovering, yeah, I'm able to help other people navigate that as well. It's a really hard thing to see when you're in it. Yeah,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 6:08

but you can tell when can you tell when someone is being codependent? Yes, very easy. There's probably some signs. Yes. What are some of the signs that you and and how do you approach those people? Yeah, like, oh, you're being codependent, come

Stephanie 6:20

find me. It's so strange. And it's amazing to me that there are people that I end up talking to, and they'll start sharing their stories, which are completely confidential. So I'm not going to get into the mirror mind. Like to a to you. And it's amazing to me. So it's got to be like some sort of energetic frequency. And then I like her attract people to me.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 6:43

Well, I think that people maybe see a familiarity. Or maybe they see because you You said that you you haven't you've gotten past that. Yeah. So maybe they see what they want to be yes. So how do you then start coaching them? Yeah.

Stephanie 6:57

So it's so individual. I usually start by helping them to discover who they are at their core and what they like themselves. Because when you're in a codependent relationship, or codependent space at all, with anyone, your sense of self and identity is so wrapped up into another person that you don't really know what you want, and what you like, everything that you are drawn to is because this other person wants you or you think this other person wants certain things for you. Yeah, so nothing is like true to yourself. So I just begin by helping people really discover who they are at their core, without that other person. And that can be a really hard thing to do unless you're like willing to, you know, get physical space from that person. But so it's a very slow process. But I encourage certain like activities, lots of journaling. And I'm I challenged my clients in conversation a lot you to, to really examine their beliefs, because a lot of codependency is perpetuated by these mental patterns that just keep going and going and going because you think that your reality is one thing, but it's not. And so when you can kind of interrupt that pattern and be like, Oh, wait, this isn't what I thought it was, then you can bring in something new and bring in a new reality. Did

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 8:22

you get out of that when you were going through yourself? Yeah,

Stephanie 8:26

I had just started creating more space in my life and had started with meditation and reconnecting with a higher power. And it was something that like I had had a falling out with organized religion, I guess, because the circles that I ran in with it were really extreme. And I started to challenge all of those beliefs. And then I was like, I don't know where I stand. And I was listening to this book one day. It's a trilogy actually, by Neale Donald Walsch called conversations with God. And it's amazing. And it said something in there that said that we are all spiritual beings that chose to come here and have a human experience. And that we're all made of the same stuff. We're all like, pure love and light and energy and, and that we chose to come here and forget who we are, and over in order to remember and become a part of the whole and I was like,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 9:28

blow Mind blown.

Stephanie 9:30

I love that. And, and so when I started to think about that, like something inside of me lit, lit up. I, I realized when I looked at my life that I was like, how did how did I get here? Because I'm married, I'm in a house that I hate. My husband, it was a very toxic relationship. And I didn't recognize myself anymore, because I'd been making all of these decisions and kind of like, going along with someone else's plan for my life. And when I realized, like, I'm here to, to reach my fullest potential. And that's my job as a human on Earth to be myself. So truly, so fully. Yeah. And right now I'm not. And so when I realized that it was like, how do I do that? Yeah. And it started out with just stripping away everything that I had, I got rid of everything that I owned, started with, like, shirts, and, you know, shoes, like closet stuff, and oh, yeah, literally did. And it ended with my husband. And I could fit everything that I owned into one little room in my friend's house, aside from my car. And I went through this process, then of rediscovering rediscovering who I was, I had to peel away all of the layers of masks that I had worn and roles that I tried to play and the things that I did to just make other people happy. And to also make sure that there weren't any waves. And part of it was safety. You know, it was safer to keep things the waters really calm and pretend that everything was okay. And once I didn't have to do that anymore, and I realized I didn't have to do it. I was like, now. Now, what am I doing? Now? Where do I go? Yeah,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 11:21

what do I like?

Stephanie 11:24

And what am I here for? Because I truly believe that we're all here to contribute something, and to really fully experience our lives and really fully dive in to this human experience. And so I wanted to do that I wanted to go like heart first

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 11:44

only in to whatever it was that I was going to pursue. So how did you find that time?

Stephanie 11:48

So I started to look at all of the areas of my life. And notice what made me feel really excited and inspired. And what I was curious about, and then the things that drained me. And so tapping into my body wisdom, there was really, really helpful. And I realized that there are a lot of things that had excited me that I told myself know. And I told myself that I didn't want to do because I was afraid. And I was afraid of where it would take me because if I change too much, my current situation might not be okay anymore. And so when I started saying yes to those things, it just led me down like this crazy path to where I am right now. And I'm sure that you could call your journey a little bit like that. Oh, yeah. Who is Twin Cities class?

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 12:40

Well, I think that that fear is something that everyone has. I was listening to a podcast the other day, and they're talking about, like, everyone has fears. It's how you manage it. Yeah, that's really how you can move forward. And I think sometimes I do, I think you do grow the most from stepping into fear. Yes. And I, a lot of years, I've always been a very fearful person. Even as a child, I was scared of tornadoes. You know, like thunderstorms. Snakes, like, I just had a lot of like, almost irrational fears. But I think maybe I watch too many movies. I was gonna die every 10 minutes. But um, it's interesting, because like, today's collective is something I never thought I would do until it like happened, you know? And so I feel like, it's probably the same for you, you probably never thought you'd go the way of coaching or because you were in that, you know, the hair and makeup. It's just it's a very different thing. So how do you balance both of those sides of it? carefully. Yeah.

Stephanie 13:39

I had a coach once that told me that balance is a moment. And so it's almost like being on a teeter totter, right. So the balance happens for a moment in the center. And then you'll tip one way, and you'll hit the other way. And, and so you as long as you keep finding those moments of balance then and noticing them and then noticing when you're tipping one way or the other. Yeah. But it's really, it's really organic. how it happens. Right now, since I'm in a course launch. I am very nice schedules very full. Yeah, trying to manage all of the backend stuff, because I have I have some couple people that helped me, but I'm a solo printer. And it's wedding season, all true. I'm engaged to so like planning a wedding, wedding season answering quote, requests every day and then getting ready for the course launch. It's a lot, but I just try to find those moments of balance and be really

compassionate to myself about what I need. Yeah.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 14:40

So let's talk a little bit about the course launch and all that because so you, you've been coaching, and then you decided to launch the course, how did you decide what the content was going to be all of that when you were first thing I want to do a course Yeah,

Stephanie 14:53

I've always been drawn to doing a course. And I'm not sure where that came from. But this content has been written for probably three and a half years. Wow. Yeah. And I've delivered it in a couple different ways. So the first time that I delivered, it was just like an experiment truly on Facebook in a private Facebook group. And I was like, Hey, I'm putting myself through this transformation experiment. Anybody want to join me in 50 people joined Wow. And, and it was free. And I just like, gave little activities each week and got really great feedback, and was like, This is so fun. I love this. And this process feels like me like this is it's sort of like the what is it when you're I didn't go to college. But when you do like a dissertation Oh, yeah. Or

Unknown Speaker 15:44

like or like, or thesis thesis. Yeah, thesis feels like that. I

Stephanie 15:47

it feels like I've been doing all this research and Gavin gathering all this evidence. And I've put it all together to make this thing. And it feels like my life's work to this point. And so, it it kind of came together like that in different stages. And so I have like, five or six different versions that I've written over the years, and decided to put it together. And of course, and the first format that I had decided on isn't what I went with, I had decided that I was going to do all videos. And so there were going to be like, Oh gosh, 45 videos over this six week course. And that's so many videos, right a video to pay somebody to make all those videos. For me, I was like, Oh, man. So I ended up going with mixed format. So each at the beginning of each week, you listen, you watch a video that has an overview. And then as you work through the workbook, there's their audio files that you listen to that can help you work through the workbook. And the people that went through the beta round really likes the audio format, because it was easier to kind of follow along with what they were doing. And and they didn't have have to, like, totally focus

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 17:03

on a screen. Exactly. I took a course last fall. I'm not gonna talk about what it was was kind of personal. But it was it was a video, but you could download the audio, which I liked, because I was like, I could sit and watch this girl talking. Yes. Or I could go in my car and listen to like a podcast. And then also, like a transcription if I want to read it. Like I had a friend who told me she's like, I never take courses because I like to just read. Yes, it's interesting that like, certain people like different things, and I have a couple of courses, but they're really just it's like one video. It's really not it's like an hour. It's like basically what I teach in person. Yes, like recorded. And it's like, I don't even like to call the course it's like a class. Yeah. But it's like only a video. I'm like, dang, I should make it like into multiple different things. I should make it into an audio and you know, if you want to

Stephanie 17:49

Yeah, I don't think there's any shit around. It just depends on what you want it to be. Yeah,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 17:53

I think for me, a lot of it is visual. Like I have to show them how I'm doing things. It's a lot of like, technical, like, here's how to set something up. Yeah, so it's a little bit different. Yours is more of, of, like challenging people. And like, it's a lot of like exercises and stuff. Yeah. How did you decide to even structure those those content? Yeah. So the,

Stephanie 18:10

the process that I deliver in this course, is essentially the process of creation. So if you want to create something new in your life, no matter what it is, if it's big or small, this is the process that you use. And so with that overarching concept, I've created four steps. And so those are the modules of the course. And then an end each step you do like 10 activities. So it's it gives you all of the tools that you need to work through the process, and to create intentional change. And so it ties back to living your life really actively rather than passively to which is very much a part of experience. Yeah. And in that it teaches you to empower your language empower yourself and your decisions rather than living, you know, just kind of drifting, yeah, your life.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 19:02

I think that direction is something a lot of people struggle with, because one of the things I struggle with is listening to outside voices telling me what I should be doing totally. And I and I, I get that almost every single day. I'm not kidding. Like, I have coffee chats with people where I meet up with a friend and I tell them something I'm struggling with, and they give me the direction I should go. But every person is different. Yeah. And I'm like, now I'm even more confused. Totally. So how do you like find out what really your what you want? And maybe not what the people are telling you? Yeah,

Stephanie 19:31

definitely. So it starts out with really discovering who you are right now. And what's important to you. And so that starts with knowing your values. And once you can define those values, and I have people narrow it down to five, but some people, you know, have a lot more than that. But if you can choose your top five, and this is how I live my life to this is all like, I use this. Yeah, um, so once you have your top five values, then you filter everything through that, okay, so all of your experiences, all the things that you fill your life with all the things that you take out of your life, then then you have like this, this filter to run everything through. Okay, and so when I am struggling with something, I'll ask myself, does this line up with any of my values? Is it in alignment with my beliefs? And also, am I excited about it? And if it's no, then I don't do it? Yeah. And so part of that is intuitive, right? Just like tapping into the feelings in your body. And then, but it helps to have the external, like, these are my values. And it's so hard when you're in a creative field like this, too, because you have a million ideas, I'm sure, yeah. And then you tell your friends who are also creative. Yeah.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 20:45

And then they have a million ideas like you should do that.

Stephanie 20:49

And sometimes that's helpful. If you have people that know you really, really well, like some people at sometimes if you're like, way up in your head will know you better than you know yourself true. And so those are people that that I would lean on, if you're like, I'm not really sure. But also, I wouldn't recommend ever blindly following whatever. Yeah, someone else tells you to do.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 21:13

I think the biggest thing that I struggle with with MCs collective is, if one person says it to me, I assume everyone's thinking that, but it might just be that one person. So then I come up with something that that one person's like, I would love that. And I and like no one else cares. Yeah. So I think it's data to me is really important and valuable, because it's, I'm trying to do like 80% of the group, what is 80% of the group on and not one person and not like just a small, small amount of people.

Stephanie 21:39

So I'm trying to try to impact as many people as possible, so that, but then also, it is more about like, what do I want to do too, right? It's that fine balance because you're organizing and running a community. And so you want it to be what your community Exactly. But also, you're the one that's running it and delivering the content. So it's got to be good for you to

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 21:58

exactly. And that's, I think that's hard because sometimes people want what I don't want, and it's like, I don't want to do that, but people are asking me to do and I'm like I don't want to do it. So I think it's it's it's figuring out, okay, well, what's something that they do want that I also want? And that's like, that's what the route that I go. So what are your thought you said you have five, five values? What are they? Yeah,

Stephanie 22:16

they're honesty, transformation, freedom, love. And oh, gosh, I see transformation. Freedom, love spontaneity. Hmm.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 22:30

Okay, I like that last one. That's kind of

Stephanie 22:32

sad. It's, it's interesting, too.

There's a side note to the spontaneity and I was actually just recording the course audio in a studio yesterday. And he was like, so how do you balance the planning that you try to promote and with the value of spontaneity, and I was like, Ah, well, I plan for spontaneity. So I need like, as an entrepreneur, and I'm sure that you can relate to this too. And probably a lot of people that listen into this podcast, your your schedule can fill up on every day of the week with work. Yeah, if you let Oh, yeah. And so I have to strategically and intentionally plan chunks of days or whole days, where there is nothing scheduled. And I have to schedule that. And then there's that room for spontaneity.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 23:22

What does that look like? spontaneity like, what do you do for me? Yeah, what has happened in the past? Yeah.

Stephanie 23:26

So I usually like to leave it open. And then I'll wake up that day and see exactly what I what I feel like doing. And it's very fly by the seat of my pants. So maybe 20 minutes before yoga class starts, I'm like, Oh, yeah, I feel like going to yoga. And I'll hop in the car and go, and then I'll find myself at a coffee shop. And then I'm making jewelry. And then you know, like, yeah,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 23:47

it's just whatever. And you're letting yourself kind of create and play. And just like the human for a day.

Stephanie 23:54

Yes. And, and that's so important when you're producing a lot of content, and trying to really share a lot of information because your brain needs that break. Yeah, be creative. Yeah, that's true. And otherwise, you don't think in creative ways. Like you have to take yourself out of your work. I actually do some of my best creativeness is when I'm working out.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 24:19

Like when I'm on treadmill, listening to a podcast, which I talked to people and like, some people think it's weird to listen to podcasts all working out. But I'm like, that's what I listened to them. Like, I feel like I can't listen, I listen to music, but I'm like, I prefer to listen to podcast. But sometimes I'm in a yoga class, and I can't listen to podcast, my yoga. So then I'm like, my mind is just wandering while doing the poses. And there's like soft music playing and stuff. And then it's like, my brain just starts going because I'm, I have this like, free time, and I'm not on my phone. And I'm not like sitting in a car I'm not, you know, it's like, it's like, I can just kind of be I actually thought of like, I remember one time I was in a fitness class. And I thought of a great idea. And I couldn't wait to get home to like, write it down. Yeah. So it's interesting, like some people have creativity in different ways or pops up. Very oddly. Yeah.

Stephanie 25:03

Well, and I talked about that in the course, too. So one of the things that is going to help you discover what direction to go, is to clear space to have time like that, and to not fill it. Because if you're filling it with scrolling through your cell phone, your brain is in a very specific pattern. And so you need to actually create freedom in your thinking so that your brain can pop itself out of its neural pathway loops. Yeah. And then you can have creative thinking, and that's how you create a new life. Because if you keep thinking the same thoughts, you do this.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 25:38

Is there any other ways that you can get out of those thought patterns? Because I feel like for some people, it's just like, there's no way to break it. If it's if there is silence, you know, like I'd be they still think that Totally, yeah,

Stephanie 25:50

so a lot of people don't do well with sitting in a room meditating and breathing really hard, doing something new. Anytime that you do something new, or you it can be as small as brushing your teeth with the opposite hand, or taking a different route home from work, like anything that you can do that contradicts your routine will pop your brain into a creative space.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 26:15

I actually don't have a routine, and like every day to me is completely different. I love it. That's awesome. And I think a lot of people hate that. Yeah. Like I go to like I remember at LA Fitness and I go to different gyms. Like I don't even go to the same location. Like I'm like, I'm gonna try a different one. Yeah, I feel like there's certain times in my life. I think I do use routine if I'm feeling stressed. And I think when I'm feeling not stressed, and I'm like, I'm just going to do something different today. So I think it's interesting. Some people are really routine people, some people like me, I'm like, I can't stand routine. Yeah,

Stephanie 26:46

interesting. Yeah. Well, I'm sure that you have some routines around Twin Cities collect

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 26:50

Oh, yes. Business i think is different than like, my life. I think like, I mean, I every Monday, I welcome new people to the group. You know, I have everything scheduled to go to certain times podcast comes out on Tuesday, I have to be somewhat planned out in order for me not to go insane. Yes, but at the same time, every day, I wake up into my post today, like sometimes I'm just like, let's see, what comes to me is sometimes the best posts are the ones that come to me like when I'm in the shower. Yeah. Or brushing my teeth. You know, it's just like, oh, that's something I've been thinking about. Maybe I should write that my caption. Yes. Like even today, I talked about how I feel like a lot of times people don't share the real truth on Instagram. And I think that they kind of hide the negative and why like, you should never compare yourself to someone that's Graham, because they're really just showing the best part to their life. Yeah, I think that getting to that authentic realization is kind of how Instagram is going. I think a lot of people are sharing some of the negative sides, which I love

Unknown Speaker 27:47

recently, I've been noticing

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 27:48

that Yeah, for a lot of especially like in the mom community. Um, I follow. I mean, I'm not a mom, but like, I follow them on Instagram, just cuz there's a lot of them. But it's just like, I feel like people are more and more willing to share the things that aren't Instagram. Friendly, I guess. Yeah. I think a lot of people react to them strongly. Because they're like, Oh, my gosh, me too. I can relate to that. Yes. How have you use social media to grow your audience? Yeah. So I

Stephanie 28:16

social media. I have a kind of a love hate. I like that. It's a place where I can connect with people that I don't know. And I think that a lot of us are on it. Right? Yeah, we're scrolling. And so it's a way to, like, put out a message and really communicate a brand. Yeah. Which is what I've primarily used it for. I,

I do, like, do photo shoots for a lot of my posts. So so they end up looking curated. The information I write is super real. Yeah. So I,

I curate the picture. Because I like to be in my moments, like throughout my days, so I'm not great at like snapping a photo as I go. So I can use a photo from something else. And then right what's in my heart. And so that's how it's worked for me. But I I go through kind of phases with it, where some weeks I'm like, I should really post and I should I don't really like the word should. But I should really post you know, because it's my business. But sometimes you just need a mental break from you. So um, for sure I

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 29:19

I'm very strict with myself just because of me. But because I was like, if I stop posting, I'll just never come back. That's why I've never like missed a day just because I'm like, I know myself. That's impressive. But yeah, like I haven't Yeah, I don't think I've missed a day because I only post weekdays too. That's another thing is I don't post every single day because I would lose my mind. Yeah, I take weekends off. I'm like, I don't, I just I have weekends for myself. And that's like my mental break. But also, I don't know if I could think of that many captions to do. But you know, there are some people that post every day and you know, and maybe they need that engagement, but it's like I've already hit like a pretty high number of followers. I'm like I don't I can kind of slow down if I want to. But I think that that's really interesting to hear is is that the caption of your photo does not have to match. You don't have to be grabbing the photo, a lot of people are like, this is what's happening at this photo. And I'm like, No, the caption is your story is that's why I think Instagram has become so popular is because you can really share really like kind of TMI stuff to like a very intimate thing that people can relate to. And I feel like I'm starting to really focus on that more. Yeah, I think that's interesting. Yeah,

Stephanie 30:23

I think that's what people are connecting with now too, and creeping. And and it doesn't mean that you need to hang out all your dirty long. Yeah, you

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 30:31

know, and it's a comfort level that what

Stephanie 30:34

I've discovered is that, the more First of all, if there are parts about yourself that you can accept and own and really start to love, like all parts of your story. That's powerful. Yeah, if you can take it to the next level and start sharing it. That is amazing. And people will connect with you. They will come out of the woodwork and be like, Oh my gosh, me too. And when I started doing that with my own story, I realized how many people are struggling in similar ways. And that's part of what inspired me. Yeah, work I'm doing

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 31:02

for sure. And I think that you won't know unless you say something. Yeah, I I posted something a couple months ago that I was struggling with. It was like an eye issue. And like people came out of the woodwork being like, I had that too. And like, I was like, I had no idea people my age are struggling with this. And it was, it was great. And I was like, at least I know, I'm not like crazy. And that you know, so it's like, Am I it's funny, because I think my parents generation, they're very, like, why do you post all this stuff about yourself? I'm like, why not? Like, what's, what's the worst part of it? I don't know, if there's there's no negatives to me. Like, I want to be open. Be sure like, I don't share too much. But at the same time, it's like if you feel like you're if you're only posting like very surface level stuff, I just don't think I just don't feel like I know that person. Yeah,

Stephanie 31:49

you know, you don't connect in a in as real of a way. And I think that part of that is generational and true. There is like in our parents generation, I would venture to say that probably around the same age. There was a lot of like, let's keep everything looking pretty.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 32:10

I think that there has been movements, like I think of like the hippie movement. And like, you know, if you think of the 50s versus the 60s, you know, there was just this shift and rebellion. Yes. But at the same time, social media didn't didn't exist then. So I think that a lot of I've been talking about social media for so long. I do think that there are generational fears that different generations have I think our our generation or the maybe 20s and 30s generation right now have different fears than people maybe 40s and 50s. Oh, absolutely. And it's just because we've experienced different things. I mean, I was in elementary school when 911 happened. So I was very young. Yeah. And now grew up in that, like generation where everyone fears terrorism right now. But then there's kids that are like, you know, 10 years younger than me that literally was born after 911. Yeah. And so they've never known a world where there hasn't been like so many fears, and helicopter parents and all that stuff, for sure. It's

Stephanie 33:04

interesting. And they've grown up in a world where they had a cell phone or electronic devices since they could talk.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 33:09

Yes. Which is different than us. Yeah, right through. And it's like, all of these kids are going to become like app developers. I was thinking that I'm like, every kid is going to like learn coding in elementary school. And but at the same time, I actually posted about this this week, like, but they might not have the life experience.

Stephanie 33:26

And I hope, my hope is that they'll be able to speak to people in person.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 33:32

Oh, yeah. Because the on their phone. Yeah. Yeah.

Stephanie 33:34

And I and I can't over generalize because I had a stepdaughter. And we're still close, but I don't have kids that I'm bringing into the world. Yeah. Not at the moment. And so I can't really say like, what it's going to be like for them. But it would make sense to me that if you're communicating primarily through a screen, that face to face communication isn't as much of a priority and maybe isn't as comfortable. But I don't know, I

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 33:59

think it depends. I'm a 5050. Yeah, I think important. It's both are important. And that's why I love going to network. I went to a networking event last night, and I was talking to these girls, and we look over and like five or six people were sitting by themselves looking at their phones. And I'm like, Why are they here? Like they should, you know, even if they just sat there by themselves and not looking at the phone, people would probably come over and talk to them, but because they like, I think it is now almost like, I'm afraid I'm socially anxious, I'm going to go my totally kind of like, make it seem like I'm doing something. And I do think that those are the things I actually I probably talked about this too. I, I think I have a addiction to videos. I watched too many YouTube videos. And so I actually had to block myself from the app for an entire week on my phone. So I couldn't watch it. Because I was it was just something I would do automatically. Yeah. And that's kind of what you're saying is having that that's changing. Yeah, changing those. And I it made me realize how much I was actually spending on it. And now they have the thing on your phone where you can track how many hours you're on certain things. I don't ever look at it go. I'm like, I'm like, I know, it's way too much there. But I'm like, but it's also my job. That's the hard part is social media is my job. Yeah. And so I have to be on it. Yeah. But and it's often

Stephanie 35:10

Yeah, but it's not your job to be on it all the time. True. So it's your job to go on there and to into post the things that you need to post and interact with the followers. Yeah, but I know other people who have that as a job. And and if you set clear boundaries around how much time Yeah, that's where some planning and some structure might be how Sure, yeah.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 35:28

And self control, I think is my thing is like, how do I stop myself? Because there's times where I don't even realize I'm doing it. Yeah. And it's like, unless I have I have like the time limits or whatever. But I still like I say skip or whatever.

Unknown Speaker 35:42

Like they're like, you can skip them well, so

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 35:43

so basically on, if you have an iPhone, you can set it up so that you give yourself like an hour for like a specific type of app like social networking, and you give yourself an hour. And so it will, it will stop me and say like, your time is up. But then you can say like skip today, so I always just skip it. So it's just like, I feel like I need like really strong like the I actually have an app on my computer. That's called self control. It's literally called self control. And what I do, what it does is it blocks you from accessing certain websites for a period of time. Oh, cool. Like it literally like makes you not be able to go on them. Yeah. And I sometimes do that if I'm like, just I was going on Facebook or something. And I need to get work done. And so if I start going to those websites, it'll just it'll just say like error, and there's no way to turn it off until that time has run out. That's so like, I wish my iPhone had a little bit stronger. Like I literally like cuz like, I can easily bypass it, but it's just like, I need I need that self control put on me almost. Yeah, well, interesting.

Stephanie 36:40

I think I think partially something that could help with that given i is it and if I have a seven plus Yeah, okay. So what's happening is you're going into this automatic response, like you're, you're not even thinking about it. Yeah, just leave your brain is just going there. And then you're thinking. So if you can put it way back on like the seventh page of your

Unknown Speaker 37:00

true,

Stephanie 37:00

then by the time you get there, you'll notice what you're doing. And that's something that I did. Because I I was doing the same thing. I was like incessantly checking my email, like who needs to check their email 12 times a day, not me.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 37:13

I hate checking my email. Let's see if I want to, but yeah, I think you're right. I think I do need to I think I also don't think about it. And I also kind of, and this might be something that people maybe who have addictions, I don't know if this is probably is an addiction. I am okay with saying that. But people that have other addictions, maybe it is even the codependency stuff is they know that it's wrong, but they still do it anyways. Yeah, I'm too and are they? Are they make justifications for it? Yes. Like, whether it's alcohol or whatever it is that you're addicted to? Yeah, I feel like you have to want to change it. Do.

Stephanie 37:46

You totally like nobody can make you change it? If you decide that you want to change it, then you can? Yeah, that's the first step. And then you have to help yourself along the way.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 37:54

I think the hard thing for a lot of people that are trying to help others is they are trying to fix them. And I'm that kind of person. I try to fix people. But then it's like, you can't fix them. If they don't want to be fixed yet. Maybe they're not there. And that's not your job. That's true. I yeah, I struggle with that, too. I like want to help so much. But yeah, it's hard to take a step back. So how do you like, how do you even get the people to know that they need help? Like, I kind of mentioned this earlier, but like, how do you how do you like for the people that are codependent or the people that are struggling or trying to figure out who they are? How do you get through to them? Yeah, you know, so I don't,

Stephanie 38:32

I don't approach people and say, Hey, you need coaching. So it's not me trying to convince someone. Most of my clients have been through referrals. And so they're, they're ready for the time I said, it's not just like, me being like, Hey,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 38:49

Hey, girl. Yeah, cuz I could actually do more harm than good. Totally. It's like, Oh, I'm offended. You think I need help? I don't know. Yeah,

Stephanie 38:54

well, and, and it's like you said you until you are aware of it, and you know that you want it, and you're ready to make a change? Nothing will happen. Exactly.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 39:03

I think that's so true. Okay, so we're kind of coming to the end of the episode. So is there any like things that you want to tell the audience that is listening maybe about maybe about running, writing a course, or being an entrepreneur or anything that you maybe want to impart to everyone?

Stephanie 39:19

Well, um, let's see, I'd say that if you have something that has been nagging at you, like an idea, or a dream, or, or there's like this thing in the back of your mind that you're like, oh, gosh, one day, I'm going to do that, or, or, or one day, I'll create that, and maybe, you know, when this happens, I'll pursue this, I would challenge you to ask yourself, Why not now? And, and to really look at your beliefs around it and ask yourself, are the limitations that you see actually real? Because I think lot of times when we want to do something, but we don't, we're a little bit afraid, and we don't know how to do it yet, necessarily, will put up all these roadblocks will be like, Oh, well, I have to go back to school, or I don't really have enough time or, you know, like, the excuses are endless. Yeah. So I would say if there is something that is tugging at your heart that you should pay attention to it, and really, really look at it, because ignoring that stuff is ignoring your life. Yeah. And so I would say that and for me, it was it was sharing my story. That was the thing that I needed to do. It was writing this course even though I'd never written a course before. And then it's promoting it, which is terrifying, and a whole nother job in itself. And so if there is something that's tugging at your heart, the course actually would really help you get down to the bottom of it and get things on earth and nothing. Yeah,

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 40:56

so how do we find the course?

Stephanie 40:58

You can find it online? It's on my website at mbu dash mn.com. And it's called choose your story, chorus. And then I have a link that you can share in the podcast episodes.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 41:12

It'll go it'll go right. in the show notes. Yeah. Awesome. Well, thank you so much. How do we find you on social media? Yeah,

Stephanie 41:18

so my business is called imbue which stands for empowerment and beauty. So I'm on Instagram as mbu, MB a you mn and then mbu on Facebook. Cool as well.

Jenna Redfield Twin Cities Collective 41:32

Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Stephanie, for being here. This is a really good interesting chat, and I'm really glad that we did it. So. Thanks. I'll talk to you all next week.


Jenna Redfield is the leader of the Twin Cities Collective, the largest resource in the Twin Cities for bloggers, small business, entrepreneurs & creatives.

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